A religious Jew, Abe Hartberg, a lawyer with the prestigious law firm Peirce & Linwood is suing his company. His claim is that his company will not fire him.
The lawsuit lists numerous counts where Hartberg exhibited extremely "Jewish" acts in the workplace and wasn't subsequently fired. He is asking for a settlement of 5 million dollars. This amount is based on the fact that he would have settled for 3.5 million on a wrongful termination plus damages for humiliation of not being laid off.
Some of the many attempts at being laid off are chronicled below:
July 2-August 31; took off every Friday to be with wife and kids in mountains
September 23; took off for Erev Rosh Hashana Mikva trip
October 8-12; shook Lulav in conference room
December 5; lit Chanuka candles in his cubicle.
March 17; made all employees shut the lights for chometz hunt
Other issues that went unnoticed by the management were: wearing only white shirts, making his sons bris in the coffee room, eating only matzo on pesach. Another attempt was the time he brought in chickens for kapporros. This episode actually “boosted company moral, said a co-worker.
Chad Winford Martin III, VP of the firm, says he didn't even realize that Arthur was Jewish,” I always thought he might be Muslim with his skullcap, but I never left my corner office to find out".
His wife, Cheryl, spoke to our reporter via AOL instant messenger; "LOL…He always using Hebrew words when he tries to tell me something secret over the phone @ work and he always insists that I send Kreplach in his lunch….TTYL ".
One legal analyst we contacted said that while Hartburg’s suit comes at a great time for wrongful termination suits, “at the end it will be up to the jury”.
No word yet if the company will force Hartburg to remove the schach from above his cubicle.
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RELIGIOUS MAN STILL NOT FIRED
THE BUKSER DOESN'T STOP HERE
Not just for shechianu anymore.
Some people like it ground up in chulent. Others use it to condition their hair. Starbucks even sells it in Frappuccino form.
It is Bukser (carob, St. John’s bread). And it's one of the most popular pieces of produce out there these days.
Last year, the marketplace welcomed over 450 new bukser based products -- everything from salad dressing to shaving cream. And the bukser parade shows no sign of slowing down anytime soon. Just this month, the candy company Pashkez released a bukser-flavored jelly bean.
"Our marketing people in Williamsburgh brought it to us first," says Moishe Hartenfreund, vice chairman of Pashkez. "I was a little bit like, 'Well, I don't know about this.' And I tried it and I loved it so I said, 'Let's go with it.'"
Hartenfreund thinks bukser just might be the perfect addition to a candy line that includes flavors like caramel corn and cafe latte.
"Bukser's just become a very trendy flavor," says Kelly. "And, of course, you know, we're very trendy."
The bukser may be at the peak of popularity in the United States. But it's been an integral part of Middle Eastern and Mediterranean cuisine for centuries. In fact, the bukser was one of the very first fruits cultivated by humans.
In fact, R’ Shimon bar Yochai and his son lived off of bukser for years while hiding in the cave.
It may have taken thousands of years to catch on in the United States, but the bukser has definitely made its way into mainstream America.
Consumers can now buy bukser lollipops, bukser body butter and bukser dish soap. They can throw back shots of BUKU bukser Liqueur, a 34-proof mix of natural bukser juice, vodka and tequila. And for a quick afternoon snack, they can enjoy Heart Healthy Dark Chocolate Bukser HealthTops, low-fat muffin tops that feature the flavor of the fruit.
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NEW JERSEY TURNS DOWN PROPOSAL TO BUILD YESHIVA AT NJ TURNPIKE REST AREA
After encountering strong opposition from local groups, the New Jersey Turnpike Authority turned down controversial plan to build a yeshiva at the rest area exit 94 on the NJ Turnpike. The proposed “Yeshivas Bais Grover Cleveland Rest Area of Greater New Jersey” planned to start construction this summer. Plans were drawn to turn an older building, formerly housing a Denny’s, Arby’s, and White Castle, and a Sunglass Kiosk into a 4 story school building. The yeshiva was also willing to keep the Exxon station open in order to accommodate the many drivers in need of re-fueling. Mahmoudhan Abdalahim, the owner of the station was happy with the Yeshiva’s proposal and even promised a few shelves of Cholov Yisroel products for the bachurim.
City of Carteret Board Chair John O’Hara lamented the NJTA vote. “We are quite embarrassed to be the only city in Jersey without a Yeshiva”. He also was quoted as saying that the federal dollars were attractive as a way to curtail the expenditure of local tax dollars no matter what solution is eventually adopted”. We are still trying to understand this too and have sent this statement to our accountant for further review.
This news shocked the Orthodox Jewish world too, being that it is the only 2 mile drive on the NJ Turnpike without a yeshiva. “I am constantly shocked when the steady line of kids hitching by the road drops for those 2 miles”, says Lakewood resident Boruch Falshburg, “then I have no reason to pull over and warn the boys about the dangers of hitching from strangers”. Shelly, a known entrepreneur, and avid raffle seller at New Jersey Yeshivas, was also visibly upset through the windows of his station wagon, “I can’t believe that no one at the rest stop wants to win Mohammed Ali autographed boxing gloves”. Competing yeshivas were obviously not as bothered by the vote. Rabbi Pinchas Dorfman, dean at Yeshiva Gedolah of Port Reading,NJ was satisfied with the rejection “The location was just not appropriate for the growth of Torah in New Jersey” Rabbi Yosef Kremberg of Mesivta of Hackensack agreed, saying, “ They should probably put a Starbucks at that rest area, but a yeshiva?!”
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IS THE CROCKPOT HALF EMPTY?
Research reveals that lima beans are disappearing from shul kiddush chulents.
A popular pastime in Judaism, the kiddush, has become a controversial "hot-plate” issue. In the past few years kiddush-goers have began to notice a disturbing trend, no more lima beans in their bowls. It seems that people were buying pre-mix chulent bean bags and didn’t add other bean types.
A poll was conducted at last years Kosherfest (the Acadamy Awards of kosher food) in the Javits Center in NY and many were outraged at the blatant omission of Lima Beans from the mix”. "We are outraged at the blatant omission of Lima beans from the mix", said a very uninventive source.
Further research was done using a blindfolding testing method. When tasters were blindfold they confirmed that they could indeed not see much at all.
And as in every facet of Judaism there was some with a different opinion. "I barely notice the taste difference", said Steve Shwartzburgman, inventor and exhibitor of Edible Besomim Delights,( and lone dissenter in the fight against lima beans) "my wife just adds honey and hot dogs". Coincidently, this man was later found beaten to within inches of his life in a nearby parking garage. .
After an in-depth investigation of the dark behind-the-scenes of local legume plant, we uncovered some interesting information leading to the changes in mix formula (sans lima). A source, wishing to remain anonymous, said "the new boss is European".
A representative for the coalition of Lima Bean Lovers of America (the LBLA), said that ad campaigns are in place to re-introduce the lima bean in various new flavors like kishka-barley and flanken flavors. "We think that people will rediscover the joys of lima beans”
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YESHIVISH GUY : BLUE SHIRT PIC WAS “TAKEN PRIVATELY”
Following the appearance on the Web of pictures of Moshe Feigenbloom wearing a blue shirt, a source close to the situation tells HOCKBERRY.COM that the famous Camp Geshmack counselor sent these pics as a joke to a friend.
Feigenbloom had emailed photos to a Yitz Weinalevitz, (a former co-counselor and runner up captain of Neighborhood day 2003) a couple of years ago, before he was famous, the source says.
Weinalevitz’s rep, Jacob B. Shwartz,tells HOCKBERRY of the images that began hitting blogs on Thursday: " Weinalevitz says he never received those photos."
Feigenbloom, 21, appeared in a 2006 promotional video for Camp Geshmack as a “wild and zany busdriver”. In real life, Feigenbloom is just a regular guy in Mirrer Yeshiva, where he learns full time and enjoys long walks on the beach.
In a statement Friday, Feigenbloom apologized for the confusion caused by the pictures and says he is "embarrassed over the situation and regret[s] having ever taken these photos.” "I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me. I am embarrassed over this situation and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends."
The pictures, including one where his shirt color is clearly blue, first surfaced on the Web Thursday, prompting his rep to issue a statement saying that the shot "was taken privately and on “bein hazmanim”. It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public."
Camp Geshmack has said it is continuing negotiations with Feigenbloom, for a third summer of awesome trips and “rocking team cheers”, according to the Lakewood Tribune. "Moshe has apologized for what was obviously a lapse in judgment," The camp said in a statement. "We hope he's learned a valuable lesson."
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UNCLE MOISHY REACHES SIDE DEAL WITH UNION WRITERS
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TRABINKA REBBE “NOT LAUNDERING ENOUGH”
Only answers shailos
As the year comes to a close it is becoming more and more apparent that the Trabinka Rebbe of Boro Park, Brooklyn has not been doing enough to help his poverty stricken Chassidim or religious sect. The results of a nationwide investigation that spanned over seventeen states have uncovered shocking documentation of just how little money-laundering the Rabbi has actually been doing.
The investigation has been ongoing for at least a year according to sources within the FBI. Wiretaps and surveillance cameras have allegedly captured the Grand Rabbi engrossed in Bible study as well as performing acts of kindness and in one case even answering a “shaila” or biblical inquiry. Although it is unclear as to what led to the extensive investigation, it seems to have been a poorly kept secret within the community that this sort of behavior has been going on for years and in fact been passed down as somewhat of a family tradition dating back to pre-war Europe where the Trabinka Sect originated.
Many in the close knit Trabinka community were not surprised when we brought up the allegations. “It is obvious that we have been lagging behind some of the better known Hasidic groups for years” said Morris Weinfeldenbaumowitz. His friend Joshua Feigenbaumenstein added “ its not needed for such a thing as this like is from which (sic)” It was unclear as to what Mr Feigenbaumenstein was actually talking about but he did seem very distraught over the situation.
To the Rabbi’s credit there were two slight cases of tax evasion uncovered in the investigation. One occurred in 1982 on the Rabbis personal tax return. Apparently he had failed to report a 250.00 check that he received for officiating at the funeral of one of his congregants. A second instance was when a soda machine in the sect’s high school (Our Lady of Hernu) malfunctioned and dispensed 3 quarters as change when only one quarter was due. The Rabbis close personal aides rallied around these points but most of his detractors wouldn’t hear of it “Why is he GIVING money to the government when it can be used for our shuls (synagogues) and schools (schools)” asked one bewildered Hasid, who declined to be named due to the sensitive nature of this article. “If he is our leader he needs to catch up with times and the world around us, we can’t get by with out a little clean laundry” he added with a wink.
As 2007 goes by the wayside, some remain optimistic for the upcoming year.
“Our hope is that with the ongoing competition throughout the laundering circuit our leader will finally understand his role” said Shira Moskowitzberg “Although the rebbe speaks of tzedaka (charity) constantly we don’t feel he his doing his part (part)” It is becoming apparent that the Rabbi is in danger of losing his following. When asked about the possibility of switching sects one Hasid dejectedly responded “anything is possible at this point, I consider myself a free agent” but after catching himself he added “ not FOR free but free to able to go to anyone, you understand what I’m saying, yeh? Nothing is really free”
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SCIENTISTS DEVELOP TEST TO PROVE "BEST GUY IN LAKEWOOD"
Potential in-laws, tired of hearing dubious praises of prospective son-in-laws, finally will have a way to prove who is actually the best. (No tests have yet to be developed to detect over-pressurizing in-laws).
Drs. Einsteinberg and Edisonawitz, (whose previous inventions have included the electric razor, the lava lamp, and more famously, imitation crab for sushi), combine a hodgepodge of elements to deduce the acumen and righteousness of each boy. With computerized IQ tests, polygraph hookups, nicotine and caffeine tests, blood sampling, and of course undercover chavrusahs (study buddy), they are able to outright prove the standing of each student.
This study brings worry to both students and parents. "How is my son gonna get married if they will know the truth?” said a mother we asked in Rockland Kosher. After learning of these tests, a boy we spoke to at a local pool hall responded, “Takeh?" This boy was thankfully already engaged.
Shadchanim are scrambling to lobby against this test being made standard along with Dor Yeshorim. "We will lose our jobs if we can't "finesse" a boy's resume", said Fraidy Guttenburg, a world famous shadchan and gossip columnist. An opinion poll conducted on the popular jewish dating website, SAWYOUONAVENUEJ.ORG, found 99 out of 100 replies were from singles, and one creepy old guy. This poll was stupid.
The scientists neither confirmed nor denied a quickly spreading rumor that tests are in the works to determine whether a girl has "good middos" and if a family is "heimish".
TOURO STUDENT, 20 ALLEGEDLY "NOT GOING FOR SPEECH”
Categorically denies all accusations.
In a story that leaves her friends and family dumbfounded, Shira Berkowitz, 20 of Midwood and student in the Touro College for Women has been accused by a group called Middle Aged Brooklyn Shadchanim or MABS of reportedly not taking the proper courses to complete a speech pathology degree.
The allegations came to light when Ms. Berkowitz was seen in an accounting class given in Touro women’s division. She was the lone student in the classroom at the time. When asked about this occurrence she quickly responded “I needed the credits” and swiftly ducked into her mothers MDX.
Gittel Lerner,a spokeswoman for MABS expressed outrage with the situation
“every Brooklyn girl has to have the speech option available, whether they work as secretaries or chefs there is no excuse for them not obtaining this degree” The group is planning a protest outside of the Berkowitz home on 16th between H and I.
When asked by Hockberry.com about the swirling controversy, a woman at the family’s home pronounced “She’s not modern!” and abruptly closed the door on our reporter. The scandal has rocked the entire speech pathology community from Brooklyn, NY to Lakewood, NJ. When we caught up with Shaindy Ferber, a speech pathology major who graduated Touro in 2002 she told us that her and peers were shocked when they heard of the accusations “I first heard rumblings when my speech friends and I had breakfast at Café K it wasn’t until we got to Loehmanns at 1pm that the story was confirmed and by the time I got to Bunny Martel for my4:30 manicure it was like another degree buying scandal”
(Ferber was referring to the incident earlier in the year where Touro employees were caught selling degrees. This of course pales in comparison to the current scandal)
In a statement issued by Ms Berkowitz lawyer (uncle) he asked that “the public kindly give the family space to cope with the matter privately” and guaranteed that “there is more to the story than has been made available to the media at this time”.
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