TRABINKA REBBE “NOT LAUNDERING ENOUGH”

Only answers shailos

As the year comes to a close it is becoming more and more apparent that the Trabinka Rebbe of Boro Park, Brooklyn has not been doing enough to help his poverty stricken Chassidim or religious sect. The results of a nationwide investigation that spanned over seventeen states have uncovered shocking documentation of just how little money-laundering the Rabbi has actually been doing.
The investigation has been ongoing for at least a year according to sources within the FBI. Wiretaps and surveillance cameras have allegedly captured the Grand Rabbi engrossed in Bible study as well as performing acts of kindness and in one case even answering a “shaila” or biblical inquiry. Although it is unclear as to what led to the extensive investigation, it seems to have been a poorly kept secret within the community that this sort of behavior has been going on for years and in fact been passed down as somewhat of a family tradition dating back to pre-war Europe where the Trabinka Sect originated.
Many in the close knit Trabinka community were not surprised when we brought up the allegations. “It is obvious that we have been lagging behind some of the better known Hasidic groups for years” said Morris Weinfeldenbaumowitz. His friend Joshua Feigenbaumenstein added “ its not needed for such a thing as this like is from which (sic)” It was unclear as to what Mr Feigenbaumenstein was actually talking about but he did seem very distraught over the situation.
To the Rabbi’s credit there were two slight cases of tax evasion uncovered in the investigation. One occurred in 1982 on the Rabbis personal tax return. Apparently he had failed to report a 250.00 check that he received for officiating at the funeral of one of his congregants. A second instance was when a soda machine in the sect’s high school (Our Lady of Hernu) malfunctioned and dispensed 3 quarters as change when only one quarter was due. The Rabbis close personal aides rallied around these points but most of his detractors wouldn’t hear of it “Why is he GIVING money to the government when it can be used for our shuls (synagogues) and schools (schools)” asked one bewildered Hasid, who declined to be named due to the sensitive nature of this article. “If he is our leader he needs to catch up with times and the world around us, we can’t get by with out a little clean laundry” he added with a wink.

As 2007 goes by the wayside, some remain optimistic for the upcoming year.
“Our hope is that with the ongoing competition throughout the laundering circuit our leader will finally understand his role” said Shira Moskowitzberg “Although the rebbe speaks of tzedaka (charity) constantly we don’t feel he his doing his part (part)” It is becoming apparent that the Rabbi is in danger of losing his following. When asked about the possibility of switching sects one Hasid dejectedly responded “anything is possible at this point, I consider myself a free agent” but after catching himself he added “ not FOR free but free to able to go to anyone, you understand what I’m saying, yeh? Nothing is really free”