After years of research and the investments of well know philanthropists in the Tri-state area, scientists for the NJ Institute of Bachelor studies have developed a way to prove the “best guy in Lakewood.”
Potential in-laws, tired of hearing dubious praises of prospective son-in-laws, finally will have a way to prove who is actually the best. (No tests have yet to be developed to detect over-pressurizing in-laws).
Drs. Einsteinberg and Edisonawitz, (whose previous inventions have included the electric razor, the lava lamp, and more famously, imitation crab for sushi), combine a hodgepodge of elements to deduce the acumen and righteousness of each boy. With computerized IQ tests, polygraph hookups, nicotine and caffeine tests, blood sampling, and of course undercover chavrusahs (study buddy), they are able to outright prove the standing of each student.
This study brings worry to both students and parents. "How is my son gonna get married if they will know the truth?” said a mother we asked in Rockland Kosher. After learning of these tests, a boy we spoke to at a local pool hall responded, “Takeh?" This boy was thankfully already engaged.
Shadchanim are scrambling to lobby against this test being made standard along with Dor Yeshorim. "We will lose our jobs if we can't "finesse" a boy's resume", said Fraidy Guttenburg, a world famous shadchan and gossip columnist. An opinion poll conducted on the popular jewish dating website, SAWYOUONAVENUEJ.ORG, found 99 out of 100 replies were from singles, and one creepy old guy. This poll was stupid.
The scientists neither confirmed nor denied a quickly spreading rumor that tests are in the works to determine whether a girl has "good middos" and if a family is "heimish".
Potential in-laws, tired of hearing dubious praises of prospective son-in-laws, finally will have a way to prove who is actually the best. (No tests have yet to be developed to detect over-pressurizing in-laws).
Drs. Einsteinberg and Edisonawitz, (whose previous inventions have included the electric razor, the lava lamp, and more famously, imitation crab for sushi), combine a hodgepodge of elements to deduce the acumen and righteousness of each boy. With computerized IQ tests, polygraph hookups, nicotine and caffeine tests, blood sampling, and of course undercover chavrusahs (study buddy), they are able to outright prove the standing of each student.
This study brings worry to both students and parents. "How is my son gonna get married if they will know the truth?” said a mother we asked in Rockland Kosher. After learning of these tests, a boy we spoke to at a local pool hall responded, “Takeh?" This boy was thankfully already engaged.
Shadchanim are scrambling to lobby against this test being made standard along with Dor Yeshorim. "We will lose our jobs if we can't "finesse" a boy's resume", said Fraidy Guttenburg, a world famous shadchan and gossip columnist. An opinion poll conducted on the popular jewish dating website, SAWYOUONAVENUEJ.ORG, found 99 out of 100 replies were from singles, and one creepy old guy. This poll was stupid.
The scientists neither confirmed nor denied a quickly spreading rumor that tests are in the works to determine whether a girl has "good middos" and if a family is "heimish".
