In an effort to better his image within the young At Risk Community, Abish Brodt has buckled to pressure from a group of leading "cool" teenagers and backed out of a Kumzitz scheduled for this Friday night in the basement of Rav Kleinmers shul on 52nd Street in Boro Park. In an exclusive interview with Hockberry, Abish disclosed his new stance that he would only be singing songs with a goyish origin from now on in order to better his secular image. "People just think of me as the frum guy who sings Moida Ani at the Siyum Hashas" he lamented. "I'm Hip. I've almost got all the words to Numa Numa by heart" It appears as if Abish has been hanging out more often with a younger crowd and has been influenced by a leading pizza shop worker in an attempt to improve his inner shaygitz.
There has been a backlash from members of Rav Kleinmers and many wonder what will happen to the scheduled Kumzitz. A tray of kugel and a case of Ber Mayim Chayim has been ordered from Meal Mart and it still unclear if it can be refunded. Aside from the monetary issues, many people remain concerned as to where the 70-80 year old congregants will be left to hang out. "These guys need an outlet" said Shira Wortner a grandaughter of one of Abish's dedicated fans. "If Abish backs out and the Kumzitz is cancelled they will be forced to listen to their Frank Sinatra LPs"
There has been no word yet on if Ben-Zion Shenker will back out as well. Please see the shul bulletin board for more info or stay tuned to Hockberry.com for the latest on the ongoing controversy.
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"THE MEDIUM-SIZED EVENT" CANCELED
OH WHAT A WEDDING.....
There were 8,000 guests, not including those peering down from the rooftops with high powered zoom cameras. The police closed the streets in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to allow for a Chasana, or extravagant wedding, and afterward the crowds squeezed so tightly into the reception hall that several people collapsed from cologne overdose.
If the wedding of Haim Zilberberg and Sara Raizel Gordstein lacked the simple charm of a small ceremony, it made up for it in gaudiness and extravagance. . To many local Jews, the couple's marriage this week was an actual royal wedding of Brooklyn.
''It's a perfect match,'' said Rabbi Israel Gold- Silver, a “friend” of both families. ''There's a boy. There's a girl. He comes from a rich family. She comes from a rich family. It brings the Crème de la crème together.''
Known for its ethnic neighborhoods and unpretentious, in-your-face temperament, Brooklyn might seem like a shallow pool for blue blood. But to the ultra-Orthodox Jews who arrived from Europe, Brooklyn is the place of their third home. This week's wedding joined two children of the leaders of the largest land owners in the Tri-state area, a union that to many symbolized the merger of a real estate conglomerate.
''These are the two biggest dynasties in the Jewish world,'' said Schabse Shabbosberg, an employee with the Zilberberg Corp (and unofficial exaggerator of the decade). ''You connect each other. Both of these groups are people who can appreciate the others cash flow.''
Typically reserved and wary of the modern world, the jewish families do enjoy big weddings. The ceremony on Tuesday all but paralyzed Williamsburg, as thousands of residents streamed onto Bedford Avenue and Ross Street to witness the vows in a celebration that began at 4 P.M. (with a smorgasbord that included over 70 types of meat and sausages from around the world) and ended in the early morning hours (with a Viennese table that included over 70 types of meat and sausages from around the world). Police officials estimated the crowd at 8,000, but Shabbosberg put the figure as high as 200,000. At the reception, guests filled three potato sacks and an abandoned grocery shopping cart with personal checks. ''I would say there were about 98,000 or 126,000 gifts,'' Mr. Shabbosberg said. “It could be that somebody gave $5 or $5,000. That's what the new couple will be doing the first week of their new life: making deposits.''
''It was an historic event,'' said Moshe Weissenheimer, who attended the ceremony (without an invitation). ''People were waiting for this event. People came from Israel, London, Haiti, Belgium, Switzerland and Paris. They came from all over the world and I was glad to be a part of it’’.
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HOLY WATER, BATMAN!!
Most people know what mikvah water is, and now Be’er Miriam Beverages in New Square is offering what it calls a "Heimish alternative" to the popular energy drink market.
Joel Bernowitz, the drink's inventor, says the name for the drink -- Mikvah -- came to him during a swimming lesson at his local Shteeble’s basement.
"It's an energy drink, and it's a fun name," says Bernawitz. "As soon as people look at the can, they smile and are reminded of good times with friends”
Bernawitz says Be’er Miriam corp. wanted to make a beverage that would send a sensation to the mouth. He describes Mikvah Water, the new beverage, as the first energy drink that is served warm.
The 8.4 fluid ounce energy booster has no actual mikva water in it, but it does contain 2 milligrams of chlorine for the authentic smell and flavor. According to the company's Web site, this drink is “the best way to start off your morning”.
The drink comes in two sizes: a 40 ounce family size for men and a personal can (8 oz.) for women. The company is marketing the drink with free towels and a small bar of soap with every purchase.
Future projects for the company include a body spray and a bubble bath with the brand’s famous scent.
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WANNA BET?!?!?!?
Just last week the makers of SAWYOUONAVENUEJ.ORG unveiled their latest project, ALMOSTSIMCHAS.COM . This groundbreaking site mixes two vices- gossiping and gambling for charity. The proceeds of the gambling (or house winnings) go to charity. This allows people to use their Maaser dollars in a fun way.
The website allows users to write in who they know are dating at any given time, add any known facts about the individual, and members of the site are able to bet on whether the relationship will last, and how long. The state of the art website uses built in algorithms to compute the odds and point spread based on positive and negative feedback left by people about the boy or girl’s character, looks, and personal hygiene. The member must sign in with a PayPal account and username and then can begin to browse current couple news.
The website boasts easy web access and text message entries so no juicy gossip will be missed by any viewers. There are also plans to have employees of My Most favorite Dessert, Le Marias and the Marriott Marquis on the website payroll to eavesdrop on the conversations and provide up to the minute coverage of on-going dates.
Hockberry.com polled people on the street this past Friday about this website and got many mixed reviews. “Internet is Assur and I don’t want to hear anything more about it”, said Rabbi Hirzberg, “did you say gambling......?” He then quickly went back to scratching his Instant Lotto’s. “This infringes on shidduchim meetings and Tehillim groups”, said a lady pushing an 8-child stroller.
Unfortunately there are still a few glitches in the system that needs tweaking. Yesterday a loophole was discovered when Simcha Weinglass, (whose online screen name is LkwdPlaya22) won the jackpot for the third consecutive week. After investigating this phenomenon, authorities discovered that he was actually the shadchan for the daters he was betting on and therefore disqualified by section B-12 of the terms and conditions of the site. (B-13 is no signing in during first seder). New identification systems are currently being installed.
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EARNING HIS VINGS
Itche Meyer Berkovitz , the world's first Hasidic flight attendant, graduated yesterday along with 1,358 other trainees at the American Airline Academy graduation at the Newark Hilton.
"It was an incredible life experience," Berkovitz said of becoming a steward. "I am looking forward to serving the passengers (….a coffee)."
Berkovitz, 22, of Williamsburg, will be allowed to keep his peyes - the long side locks worn by Hasidic men - looped up over his ears.
He's been granted exemptions from airline hairstyle rules so he won't have to break his religious vows. He also will be allowed off on the Sabbath and Jewish holy days.
His brother, Yitzchok Isaac, is a co-pilot for Jet Blue.
But Berkovitz hasn't figured out what path he wants to take in the airline.
"I was thinking about a lot of things before I got in the academy, but there are so many opportunities. I'm not certain," he said. "First I want to get my experience on the flights."
He's set to join the domestic flight division in Brooklyn, and his first assignment will be the red eye on February 12th.
Airline officials said this crop was most diverse class in American Airline history, with one-fifth of the new officers being foreign-born, hailing from 65 different countries.
The class is 46 percent white, 28 percent Hispanic, 17 percent black and 8 percent Asian, - the largest Asian contingent ever.
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