KIVI AND TUKI FILE FOR EMANCIPATION FROM COUNTRY YOSSIE

After years of finger pointing and vicious rumors, child actors Kivi and Tuki have filed for emancipation. The 2 former stars have been living in the foster care of Country Yossie for the last 29 years and have finally began the legal motions to live on their own.

We met up with the twins at a local Jazz club/shul basement in Monsey, NY. They were accompanied by their temporary court-appointed guardian, Dr. Middos. Dr. Middos (, or Richard as he asked to be called) described the mental state of the two as “not geferlach”. He (Rich, as the night wore on) was assigned to the case to treat the aftermath of many years of psychological abuse Kivi and Tuki suffered. “He is she and who is he” muttered a barely coherent and very medicated Kivi. “That is all he ever says” pointed out Middos (Big R, the next morning).

The court has granted temporary custody after many accusations of torment and money pilfering by Country Yossie. The creatures’ case was greatly helped by the testimony of Big Gedaliah Goomber, who turned states evidence in return for a reduced sentence in his own steroid indictment. Goomber, who was depicted in court artist sketch as 9’2”, stated under oath that life in the Yossie house as “zany” and often “very zany”. “Country was always out painting the town red with the Shteeblehoppers and regularly neglected the child stars”. “Everyone knew that those two were his meal ticket, but he never cared for their safety”.

Jewish child star court cases are not without precedent. With the Cheery Bim Band winning a 7.3 million dollar royalty lawsuit from Feldheim publishing and a large undisclosed settlement for Gemarakup from Encyclopedia Brown for copyright infringement, the twin’s lawyers are confident about the verdict.

The court is currently in recess now and will be playing freeze tag in the yard. We will update you as more news becomes public.