BEAR STEARNS, SHMEAR STERNS: STOCK OF PRESIDOR CHOCOLATE WAFER ROLLS SOAR DUE TO PURIM SALES

Stock of the Presidor Chocolate Lined Wafer Roll Company soared yesterday as a direct result of higher than expected Purim sales for their Cigar-like wafers. While Presidor has been the leading Shaloch Manos brand for over a century it has taken a beating by knockoffs such as Paskesz and Kemach over the last few years. This year it appears that Presidor is finally making the comeback analysts have predicted.
The rebound is a triumph of sorts for embattled CEO Marvin Misheh, who in recent years has been accused of over-valuing the stock in months other than March and April. His involvement in the infamous Biur Chametz Scandal of 2004 was even more disturbing. He was eventually cleared of any wrongdoing in the case where employees were accused of intentionally burning empty boxes of the snack and filing false insurance claims. His reputation and that of the company took a serious hit and Presidor was forced to layoff thousands of experienced rollers.
While no one is quite sure of the religious significance of the Cigar-Wafer, it is clear that Jews across the world carry on a strong tradition of packing the goodies in their Shaloch Manos, an Easter-like basket passed between friends on the Halloween-like Holiday of Purim. Rabbi Goodman of Congregation Anshei Emes in Chicago, IL, specializes in the History of Jewish Culinary and Delicatessen Studies and told us that the cigar-rolled wafer has deep Mediterranean and Persian roots and was originally used to carry small weaponry to and from the battle-grounds and War-Fields of the Roman Empire. We are pretty sure that he was talking about something entirely different.
In the wake of this historical climb, and the increasingly weakening US Dollar,The Federal Reserve is said to be considering classifying the Chocolate Lined Waferroll as an officially traded commodity. Hockberry Business Desk is advising all investors to remember to sell their inventory to goyim before Pesach