MIDGET SUES MAN WHO WOULDN'T STEP BACK OVER HIM

Chicago — A major ruling Friday (erev shabbos) by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals cleared the way for Kalmen Grossman to sue Morris Taubsmith for damages.

Grossman grew up in Detroit with Taubsmith in the late 70s. One shabbos afternoon Grossman was lying on the floor playing kugelach and Taubsmith walked over him. He claims that this incident caused him to become a midget. His “brief” included a “short” list of “small” grievances which caused him “slight” irritation. Among the complaints were counts of having to use a stool for hagba, emotional distress over his tallis “kattan”, and being kicked in the eye by a rogue kezatzka dance move.

A similar ruling bestowed an award of $317,251 to Geraldine Weiss, one of two Cleveland plaintiffs who sued the old lady at the Kotel for selling a faulty red kabbalah strings. The jury ruled this was the root of the devastating Eyin Hara on the Weiss home.

Lawyers for Taubsmith had appealed the court ruling last week, saying Grossman's claim was filed years too late. The 9th Circuit ruled that the charge of not stepping back over your friend has no statute of limitations.

Congress did not adequately define the Eyin Hara defense issue when it passed the 1957 Shwartz-Applebaum Act, which limits the liability of such accidents while ensuring compensation coverage to the general public, the court said in the ruling written by Judge Marty Schrook.

Two similar cases still in the exploratory stages are Massachusetts vs. Kleinberg , a grandmother that did not say “bli ayin hara poo-poo” after people gushed on her new granddaughter’s cuteness, and a young man (name is still being withheld) whose mother used to cut his finger and toe nails on the (gulp) same day.

Rumor has it that Grossman will settle out of court for a small fortune. He is currently spending time penning his memoir, “Under the Magid’s Table”.